So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is my gift to your gina
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
