This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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