no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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