Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
