I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
