You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
