Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
should my penis look like a turkey
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
