Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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