Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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