are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
