I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
