you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
