I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
