did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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