I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
