matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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