"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
