i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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