Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
