like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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