What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
