My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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