At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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