Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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