thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
