i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
