I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
