morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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