I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
