so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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