thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
