Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
