Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
