im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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