38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
