thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
