I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
