Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
