I hate your face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
