Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
