I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize