Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
