Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
