I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
