By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
