my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
