so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
