I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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