I love black thongs
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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