I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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