Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
