so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He better not be in your backpack
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
