we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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