Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
