I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
