Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
