my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
