he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize