My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
