the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
