Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
