drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
