she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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