i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
