Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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