I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
