I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
