Moan for me like Helen Keller
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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