there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's always time for handjobs
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
