There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
