how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
