shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
