Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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