when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
time to smoke my breakfast
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
