Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
