Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish i was in the wii world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize