I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
