it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
