Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
