I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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