I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
