I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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