Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
