Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
