Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
