Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
