literally had 100 drinks last night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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