hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
