But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I am morally bankrupt
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
