I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
