Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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