I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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