just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
