I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
