No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
