dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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