I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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